Tag!

I was tagged sometime back..but its only today I actually thought of giving it a form on my blog...

Here are the rules:

1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

8 Random facts about me:

1. I ran away from school( when I was 3) one afternoon coz I didnt want to go to the cresh I was put into, as the lady there always made us sleep and I never wanted to sleep back then. I walked almost 3 Kms , took help from a uncle to cross the Himayat Nagar Main Road and played with our watchman's Kids the rest of the day till my Mom (after running everywhere looking for me came home) saw me there. I dont really remember much of what happened after that!

2. I have a very sharp sense of smell and can usually detect stuff easily before anyone else does. But that also makes it very difficult for me to breathe when someones washing the house with Acids or when someone bathes themselves with a strong perfume et al.

3. I strongly believe I have an alter Ego in myself. I can be a tomboy and I can also be very Ladylike, I also love some of death Metal and I also love some of old black and white Hindi Movie songs, I hate being photographed and also love it at the same time, I cant stand big family events but also like the family jokes and stories, I am very very talkative and very very quiet sometimes. There are many many more, it really is quite surprising!

4. I am a staunch humanitarian. I do a lot of things just because I realize I am a Human Being and its my obligation to be as good as I can be to my fellow beings as well. And if I dont feel like being so nice to someone, I try to avoid him/her rather than be rude to them as politely as possible. There is one exception to this though..my brother:) I have been mean to him quiet a few times but I defend it since I think brothers/sisters are for you to do that to since you cant be mean to anyone else and get away so easily with it!

5.I can give some amazing gyaan to people. I surprise myself with the kind of stuff I know sometimes. But the not-so-good side of it is that when it comes to my life I always make the wrong choices and take the wrong turns. I know what I should be doing, what any wise person would have done, but that is the very thing I try to rebel against.

6.I once tore my brothers slam book( 10th class slam books are very special to people, and I knew that it was very special to him too) when he accidentally spoiled a chart I was preparing for school..I had almost finished it after giving it a total 5-6 hours of my concentration and hard work. Sweet Vengeance.

7. I hate lizards to the core. I cant stand the sight of them. I once went into a mad frenzy and frantically chased a lizard for almost 1/2 hr, finished a whole spray bottle of cockroach killer spray worth 120 bucks to kill one! Yes, I have killed a lizard! We asked the watchman to take it away. I didn't feel anything when I did it, no joy neither sorrow.


8.I have this big ambition of trying everything in life. And I do work at it sometimes. Now, what I have already tried and what remains to be tried is for me to know and you to find out..:)

Those are the 8 random facts I could think of myself spontaneously.

Hot steel

Ever felt that you have been good the whole year and yet Santa didnt give you what you wanted? or even something you could consider decent??
I am sitting on hot steel and am trying to jump away..but its my life and you cant really jump off it, can you? even though its burning your very skin. You just try to shift your weight, try to put a cover over the steel (until of course it burns away) and you try to tell your brain you are sitting on lovely transparent floats and relaxing in a great pool.
I think of vengence with great passion. But I have been brought up with great morals which have always told me to forgive and forget. But shouldn't there be any limit to which you can implement forgive and forget?I mean everything has a limit right? If so, then what is the limit? Who is going to judge that? I am not very sure if God will ever punish, coz He preaches forgive and forget.But isn't there someone who should be punishing them? How can they be so content and oblivious to what they have been doing to others? They grow on you like parasites. They conspire to suck out all the blood out of you and you know it, yet, are helpless, coz you have resolved not to do anything at all. Should I change my mind? Should I do something I really don't want to but coz it seems the best and the most deserving thing to do? If I continue keeping mum, how deep will they go? Can I take it any longer? There are some awesome things going on in my life and yet I cant seem to enjoy them!( at which others would have been jublivient!) . The thoughts of betrayal come back to me every night like a haunting tune that I have composed. Yes, I know how it feels feeling your rotten most and no its nothing like what you feel even when a truck goes over your foot or when you are hanging upside down from a plane and your hair gets caught in the blades of the copter flying below you. Its worse.
The perennial question is what should I be doing about it?
Its always a big debate with myself. And again in the end I still have absolutely no idea what to do to make all the horrors go away.

Numb

Bitterment buried
dillusions cleared
raw to core
the wound bandaged.

sweet poison
like nothing imagined
killed something
'am coming undone.

Tear away, Unleash
whats percieved so strong, so delicate
in the midst
suffocate, wait, anticipate.

Fear of hope
gripping the pain
numb,
I'll be.

The Walk

At a crossroad we held hands,
Promising to walk together..
On the same path with lively bushes and fragrant flowers.

He walked with me,
held me hand,
laughed with me,
Wiped my tears.

But realization dawned
with time already filled with relishing memories;
It was all an illusion.

His path was not mine,
His hands barely held mine,
His path was not the same,
It ran parallel to mine.

The gap between the paths,
full of deceits and acts,
was all but widening,
with fresh new grass.

Our fate brought us to a standstill,
the gap had grown wide and green,
so much so
that I could barely recognize him.

Its been a while now,
our paths have differed completely,
running in opposite directions,
Him on his and me on mine.

Yet I often wonder, If this could ever have worked;
If there was a way to bridge the gap;
If there was a way to go back and walk the same path together.

Big Bad World!

Out of college, out of the "protective" boundaries of the College walls, Into the big bad world.

Its been close to 2 months now having joined G******.Hows the experience?? Almost grueling. I have come to understand a new meaning of realizing ones potential. Working for 12-14 hours with the haunt of going home to cold food and a quiet sleepy house is indeed the big bad world. Squeezing in "your bit" till every cell in your body cries with exhaustion is the big bad world. Artificially smiling and trying to get along with the people you could have sworn at in College is the big bad world.

Yes, unfortunately my first job experience isn't very satisfying. I have forever been starving for people sharing my views and mind frame and I am totally lost in a place where anyone would have thought I would have found at least a few!

Its is indeed sad to see how people are made to work like Dogs paying them something not even fit to appreciate half of what they do. Ofcourse G***** is famous for its amazing trainings and various degrees you can achieve while working, showing very well on your CV. But the fact remains 70% of the people do not have time to go for those because they are overburdened with work. I have seen people working for 20 hours!Yes, and I am not faking it. Its a solid bare fact any company should be ashamed of. Very ironically the company preaches "happy people excel within" and "speak your mind". There are wonderful competitions and celebrations held for the employees of the company, but again, hardly anyone has the time to get off their desks and participate or even watch them for that matter! I have superiors who still cant distinguish between "their" and "there", and I am supposed to be having them as my mentors. And I work in a big MNC KPO which is very proud of itself to be what it is and will soon be listed on the NYSE. I have my chairman telling blatantly that employees is not everything to him, his clients are. I wonder what he would do if his employees didnt do such a good job, where he would get his clients from.This to a packed house of his employees. And with no reaction from any of the employees. This is the company I work for.

Indeed its a big bad world out there.

realisation......

"Deceiving to please
Lying to defy
pretending to suffice.

Nature's dying
A soul withdrawing
Another shying.

Self escaping
Self blaming
Perennially harming

Lies, Lies
they scream
Hell, hell
they mean.

flirting with the truth
magicians tricks
charmer at work."

To be or not be

I am so tired of being here
shown the path after being so near
Is it the problem or is it the cure!?
so scared of the end, so clear

The hourglass standing still
Frozen in time,half-way,
The beads of sand reluctant
to drop down all the way.

A sense of blindness overcoming fear
which is better, if not the cure;
After all not being able to see
is a convenient disguise for not wanting to believe.

Packed away I am, mine.
In the wings of time,
Not judging my plight,
Lying still in the midst of the night.

random thoughts

A gap forming
feeling less binding
I am to blame-always..
me, myself..alone.

To a loved one i am a deciever,
A bitch in the weaver.

a bubble from the froth,
bursting to be gone.

Disconnected is relative,
illusioned is medicative,
lies is dedicative.

realize it like a mirror..
just a reflection, not the self.
just a skin on me, not the self.
just pretending, not the self.

Never 2 sides of a coin..only one.
the other one is our shield..our excuse.

soulless is the mantra..
no root,no branches, no fruit, no truth.